I am 4th generation healer. This means one thing, to one person, and a whole other meaning to someone else. To me it means, I have a gift that has been handed down, not by word of mouth or by teachings, but by genetics. In this also comes a long line insecurities and limiting thoughts, and a need to protect oneself from persecution.
I've come into my own the past year. I've softened and become more compassionate and much more aware of others feelings and am learning to govern my own thoughts, my own feelings and my own life. I can not heal in others which is broken within me. I see it all the time, I am working through something and I will get a flood of people with the same issues. I love how Spirit works though me to allow myself healing along with others. Kinda like hitting two birds with one stone.
So, in the past few weeks I've had some intense growth. I'm learning more and more about my limitations and my amazing abilities to grow and to expand these beliefs. I'm learning to open up to new possibilities and new experiences. I am in a sense opening up to a whole new level of vulnerability.
That place where you to to open up the feelings and the fears to someone else. To share with someone close to you, how you truly feel, fear, and experience. It's scary, as in the past when I've opened up to others, they used these things against me, and have even left the friendship because of this very thing. So opening up to someone close to me isn't easy, but...I find that now when I do it, I am also allowing the other person to open up to share, with me, their feelings as well.
Yesterday I went to my parents home for Easter. I cried all the way there, and while I was there and then when I got home. I shared with a friend that is fast becoming my close confidant. Although, he too is very much in the same place I am, I see how we are helping one another be at peace with opening our hearts. I am starting to see that I am not the only one who longs for people in their life that are truly authentic. Someone you can fully trust, and who won't judge you for being you, or try to change you into what their expectations should be for you, but what is best for you by just standing in their own truth with you.
I have 4 men in my life right now that are changing my perception of life and myself. Men have a uniqueness about them and how they really don't get into drama and I am liking that. So who do we trust? Who do we allow into our lives?
I am standing at the secret garden door, the smallest door I've seen, I am opening it up just a tiny bit and when i do so much comes flooding out. Years of insecurities and life long pains. As they flow around me I stand in a strength I didn't realize I have. People can come and go and say what they need to say and do what they need to do I am will stand strong and be here. Allowing others to flow around me. And all the while standing strong within me. I look to the side and I see my strength.
All along, it is God.
It is the light, it is the I AM..it is the pure love from the heart. I am, all that I am, need, want and have.
As I stand strong within me, the authentic people find me, they too sing a similar song. Like a lark, beautiful and strong. We stand near one another, supporting one another, loving and being. The others flow past, picking up what they need or have to have and with each passing, we become stronger and more planted in the roots. The God within me are the questions I ask. I am a wisdom seeker. I am the one that will find the answers within. Opening the door is the fist step in finding the strength that has been here all along. The answers are all within me. The answers, the faith, the strength the wisdom. This is where you find yourself. Within